Caught Crying

lonely, dusty bunny

Then silence broke.
You caught me crying.

You'll remember how I used to smile, as if life goes on perfectly.
You'll ask me, I'll only answer with tears.
You'll sit there for a moment, saying that I'm not alone.
You'll be leaving sooner, and I won't be feeling any better.

Wait, I did.
Tears always drop and dry,
but time never move backwards.
I realised that I won't fall forever
I moved on from my mistakes
For the past is behind, the future is ahead

I went to see you, but

I caught you crying.

Then I remembered how you used to remind me to be strong.
Not just to cry over every mistake, but to stand up everytime you fall.
Now you locked yourself , crying behind that door.
And I'm here leaning, just hearing you from the other side.
I knocked to a count of eleventy-seven,
But no one answered.
I wanted to help,
But you won't let me.

The rain slowly faded.
It was for a moment.
I couldn't help a friend.

And now,
I caught myself crying again,
I'll always do.


Question : Did I sound patheticly sympathetic?
                I guess that my heart is bigger than my ego. :)

Fear of Falling

Humpty Dumpty wouldn't like this view.

Did you ever felt the fear of falling?

      Well, if you were an egg, falling would be your deathbed. But being a person holding an egg, you'd not want it to fall too right? Because when it breaks, you'd have to clean up that mess. Nothing's delicious about a failure. But some people loves to laugh on other's failure ( an annoying form of laughter ). Is it still hilarious even when that person starts to cry? Please, be considerate! Ermm, is talking about egg makes you hungry? HAHA. Okay, I should use words that doesn't have anything to do with food.

      I remembered those times when I accidentally tripped and fell onto the ground, and people would start laughing at me instead of giving me a hand, and make it the joke-of-the-week. The next morning they'll remind me when, where and how I dropped. LOL, see how specific can people be. People nowadays are very lazy to move, they do more watching and waiting. And what happens? NOTHING. A city would not appear out of nowhere.

      I'll get straight to the point. The fear of falling is the same as the fear of failing, and this is what I'm trying to say. WE FEAR FAILURE. People always think that Failure is our enemy and Success is the best friend that we hope to meet soon. I can't deny, I fear failure. I was never ready to fail, the only thing in my mind was success. So when I failed, I couldn't accept it. Sometimes I would even give up. You had that thought before right? But after these trials and triumphs, I realised that we learn from our failures which slowly leads us to success.

      So don't worry, feel sorry or embarrassed about it. You should know that every single fall, is not forever, and we can always stand up after that. Chances and possibilties exist everywhere, so don't limit it with doubt. Whatever that mistake might be, repent and make a better person out of your old self. You can be better than what you are now. You always could.

      Nothing's too early, nothing's too late (except death).
      Put 'LATER' aside, what matters is 'NOW'. 
      Take this chance to make a change.      

Stereotyping Again?

      Stereotypes are not a myth! They exist! Do you agree or you want prove? Why do you think the word stereotype was even in the dictionary? LOL XD.( Sorry. that was a wrong way to start a topic. I seemed crazy somehow. ) But I got a question, are stereotypes rare? or easy to find? HAHA. Its hard for me to think of a definition for the word. Hmmm... I guess stereotypes are those people who can't seem to understand the word INDIVIDUALS.

      You can see whether a person is stereotype through their judgement, opinion, reaction, and also question. Like in this conversation.

Girl A : Ohmy, I'm so scared hearing of this recent rape cases. Luckily, the police managed to catch that guy.
Girl B : Yeah, I heard about it too. Hey, do you know the race of that rapist?
Girl A : If I'm not mistaken, he's a (DON'TFILLINTHEBLANKS). Why?
Girl B : REALly? No wonder! Those people are always like that.
Girl A : How do you know?
Girl B : What are the odds? (In Malayisan style : Biasalah.)

      Obvious stereotype there. Yes, don't fill in the blanks =.= . One typical stereotyping, blondes are stupid. No, they are not.

      Well, my friend once ask me. Why are filipino people proud? Oh, dont be mistaken. We are not proud like arrogant, but by proud, we meant we are not ashamed of who we are. Of course, that's what everyone should think and say. Yes, there is that status thingy, that the rich won't mixed with the poor, but still, it's not everybody. This is because people remember more the bad things, rather than the good. Sadly, a mistake or action done by a person of the same religion/race/group as us, we gets his/her name. People would start disliking us as if we did the crime (most hatings are kept secret but obvious).

      If I'm stereotyping, I should remind myself, that every person is different, uniquely different. They got their own choice and action. Not everyone in a certain group/race/religion does the same stuff. Everyone has their own opinion and interest. Respect it.

      My words of advice would be, " Everyone is an individual. Don't confuse one/me for another "

I AM NOT YOU

Obviously. I am not you. So why do you expect ME to be YOU? and When is being myself a crime?

    But society nowadays can't seem to accept us for who we are. They'll love us for following the trend or something that they themselves do or expect. They'll hate us for being different. You know that God created us to be unique and special in our own way, but people are trying to act the same, just to be accepted. YES, its funny when people can't accept or cooperate with different stuff, that means they are not ready to learn something else that's new. So when are you actually ready to learn?

    I dislike it when I heard the word, " I'm open minded ". Sorry, this might offend. I said dislike because I once like it when people say that, but now, it's a questionable word, mostly a klise. A commonly-used word that lost its meaning - such as " I love you ". Well actually, there are people that I heard this word from aren't that open-minded. So my advice is to be careful or sure when you're going to use the word open-minded, because in the end, there might be a chance you can't accept it yourself.

    It felt so bad, when someone say he/she is open-minded, you'd tell your story or opinion, then we would get scolded or insulted. To me it would have felt like as if someone just vomited my words back to my face (unpleasant view) . That wasn't what I'd expect from an open-minded person. Like this person, he/she said he was open minded, but he/she scolded without a second thought, and didn't let the other to explain or question. And yet, he/she still calls himself rational and open minded. Why can't you realize it? I guess you're always right? If you're perfect, I wouldn't complain.

    Like some parents, they hate it when we answered (talk back), or even questioned, because they would think we are disrespecting them. But did they ever think that we were just trying to express what we needed to? Maybe even to defend ourselves? Did keeping us shut violated our rights? YES. Justice is not only for the court, it's for us. Most people now are not chasing their dreams, instead, they are living up to someone else's reputation and expectation. And why this happen? Well, they fear of other's disagreement. Everyone says that 'no man is an island' , yeah, we fear that. Sometimes parents also can't accept the way we dress-up or interest, and teenagers would always say that the parents are 'old-minded'. It's a hard world to live in when we can't agree with each other.

    Conclusion, I want to live life my own way. I don't want to imprison myself with your idea of 'ME'. Sorry, I just can't be you. I'd be lying to myself if I did. I'm not even a copycat. You know who you are, stop hiding behind that mask, that mask is not anything to be proud of, and the real you is not something to be ashamed of.


BE yourself. Everyone else is taken. :)

Beginner's First Words

     From the title above, you might have guessed me as a newbie blogger, well, yes I am :). I'm now trying to familiarize myself with everything that exist in blogpsot.com and the people in it. Basicly, this blog counts as my new year's resolution, which was supposed to be on 1.1.2011, but busy times kept me, well, busy. HAHA. Second reason is to express myself and know more about others and their points of view. Third reason is to practice writing in English :D. There can be a lot of purpose to blogging, I just haven't thought of it yet. Oh yes, not to forget, sharing and learning, that's blogging for me :).

     Here's a brief introduction of myself. I'm Jen, 17 and still growing older ( just to comfirm that I'm not a vampire. lol ). I'm still scared of vegetables. haha. My favorite colour is white, and no, I don't hate the other colours. Yeah, winter will never exist in Malaysia, but I still adore winter wear :P. One of my hobby is drawing, I drew like thousands of times on countless amount of paper( even my school notebooks and textbooks ), but I never felt like stopping. Haha. That's quite a short and sweet intro, wasn't it?. haha. What else should I mention about myself? Well, you can ask or you'll slowly know me through reading my future posts that surely will come :).


BTW, sorry if the blog seems uninviting or uninteresting, but I did what I can do as a newbie. And yes, every comment or opinion is very welcomed! :). You can even comment on my language and grammar. Lol XD.